my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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