Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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