How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
