4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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