You work out of a Hotel?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
