someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
