Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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