You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
