just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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