one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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