i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
