but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
