the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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