My Higher Power is John Stamos
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
