Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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