I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize