I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
