never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
