onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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