singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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