Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
