after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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