1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
