You work out of a Hotel?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
