I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
