I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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