its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
