This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
