i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
