Soap is not a condiment
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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