you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
