It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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