Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
