Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
