You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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