I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
