Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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