I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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