eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
