That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
