my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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