i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
