So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
