I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
