I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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