who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
