I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
