Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
