I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize