i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
