we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize