I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
