Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
