I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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