I wannas sexs uuuuu
I CAN MOONWALK!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
