Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
