where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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