if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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