i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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