Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
