Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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