Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
