the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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