I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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