the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
