saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
