Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
