Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
